Pretend
by deartinkerbell
Summary: "Its been about a year, and everything changed. They've all became 'best friends' while you're still stuck in the background and they use you as a voice.  You pretend it doesn't hurt."


**Pretend**.

* * *

><p>- - - <em>Rachel<em> - - -

Its been about year, and everything (_everyone_) changed. They've all became 'best friends' while you're still stuck in the background and they use you as a voice.  
>You <em>pretend<em> it doesn't hurt.

_(a showface starts.)_

Finn went back to Quinn, and is happy as ever. He doesn't glance your way once (_not that you care_). He walks by without even a wave of hello, or a wave goodbye. He doesn't say a word to you, even if your_both the leads_ in glee

Mercedes is still a bitch, whether Kurt knows or not. She still says how you steal all the solos, how you want all eyes on you. She doesn't help you get cleaned up after a slushie, or even asks if you want the help. she doesn't say hi, or goodbye.

Kurt is still at Dalton and happy, you don't bother him- and it's the only thing that does make you smile.

Tina is slowly becoming Brittany's new best friend. and she has all her time with Mike or Brittany. She doesn't smile at you, or even say something to you.

Mike is with Tina at all times, and you never notice him open his mouth once- but you saw him laugh once. (_and he was laughing at you_)

Brittany is still her same ditzy self, and doesn't know anything, then following.

Artie goes around like you don't even exist. he ignores you, and at one point you think he rolled over your foot.

Santana, is _Santana_. (_not much to say here_) she still calls you 'manhands' and other idiotic nicknames. She still shoves you against the lockers, and laughs when you get a slushie thrown in your face. (_same old Santana..._)

Quinn is too into her being popular, she ruins your day the most when she says 'Oh Finn!' and she still laughs when slushies are thrown, and she calls you those nicknames. She still laughs whenever she walks in the bathroom, and you're in there. She still draws rude drawings on the stalls. She makes your life _hell_.

Sam frowns, and frowns a lot. But doesn't do anything. he acts as if it'll hurt _him_, and the only thing standing between him getting hurt and not- is _you_.

Noah- he hasn't been around, and you have no idea why. He just moved, and didn't tell anyone. He was your only friend, and he left you. Left you _all alone_. You wonder what he would do, if he ever found out.

Lauren didn't return to glee, and you could care less- you have bigger problems.

Your fathers don't even bother coming home anymore, they paid off the house- and sends money to a bank account in your name. They write you as much as they can (_after the fifth letter, they stop coming_). They don't bother calling or even texting. They picked up their things, and moved- and you dont even know where they moved. They left you all alone, and your only _sixteen_.  
>You <em>pretend<em> it doesn't kill you inside.

(_your 'showface' starts to crack_).

-x-

You changed up your look, to blend in the crowd.

You traded the_ skirts_, for _jeans_.  
>you traded the <em>sweaters<em>, for_ tank tops_.  
>you traded the<em> knee socks<em>, for _tights_.  
>you traded the <em>flats<em>, for _converse_.

You also cut your hair, it's now to your shoulder- with slightly long bangs.

You changed to _blend in_, and hopefully the new clothes change people's minds.  
><em>wrong<em>.

You become a 'mute' and you don't even _like_ glee anymore- it's a _chore_ now. because if you don't come, you're out. Mr. Shue doesn't even glance your way, let alone speak to you. He gives the solos to Mercedes and Quinn. The lead duets go to Brittany and Finn. And you have to quietly walk out whenever they start music.  
>You <em>pretend<em> like it doesn't crush you.

(_a piece falls to the ground_)

-x-

it _hurts_, it _burns_, it _stings_.

coffee.

they threw _coffee_ in your face- and everyone starts to laugh. you rush towards the bathroom, only to have cheerios block it. You rush towards an empty closet, but Santana takes it with some random football member.  
>That's when you run out to find your car, covered in meat- and slushie. You forget about your car, and just run home. You can always get the car tomorrow.<br>You _pretend_ it doesn't sting you, like the coffee.

(_a piece falls_)

It's in glee when you finally start to let go, and you just _scream_.  
>"mr. shue I hope the solo you picked out isn't for manhands, sh-"<br>you let out a ear popping scream, and let the tears fall freely- before getting up and leaving.  
>Not before you're stopped.<p>

"Rach, why'd you scream?" _Finn_.  
>Everyone is staringglaring at you, you just feel it. You continue standing still, back facing them.  
>You <em>pretend<em> you didn't hear him.

(_another piece falls_)

You skipped out on glee, and at one point- school. You hate your life, and you don't even know why you deserve this life. You cry yourself to sleep and you hardly eat- water became your best friend. You look at old pictures, of the times where you _didn't_ have to pretend.  
>You <em>pretend<em> it doesn't burn a hole in your chest.

(_another piece to the ground_)

-x-

You go back to school, it's been almost a week since you last came. You're wearing an old hoodie of Noah's (_Noah still hasn't shown up- and you haven't seen him in over three months_) You didn't bother putting any make-up, and you have your hair in a messy bun. Also your jeans feel way to loose.  
>you go through the day without a slushie or a coffee thrown in your face. You don't get called 'manhands' or 'Rupaul'<p>

It's in glee, and whispers go around- most about how you're doing drugs and one about your fathers leaving you.  
><em>"she even made puck move away"<em>

You just _snap_.  
>"Leave. Me. Alone." you only whisper, not knowing what else to say.<p>

The harsh comments come back, and no one stands up for you- and you just run away again.

You _didn't _pretend. You ran down the hall til You reach a unknown closet.

you're leaning against the door, letting the tears fall and you let out a couple of choked sobs.  
>Your phone goes off, and you answer without looking at caller I.D.<p>

"Hello?"

_"Rach?"_

"Noah?"

_"it's me- are you crying?"_

"No"

_"yes you are, where are you?"_

"I'm at school..."

_"where at school?"_

"a closet, Noah where have _you_ been? it's been _months_since I last saw you!"

_"My Aunt Susie, she broke her leg and at the same time she got ill. Ma just had me come take care of her for the summer- but she didn't get better. Ma just moved us here"_

"oh- is your aunt feeling better?"

_"Don't change the fucking subject Rachel, where are you?"_

"I told you a closet in school"

_"**where is this closet!**"_

"Noah I don't need-"

you fall back, and looked up seeing Noah standing up and canceling the call before helping you up to your feet. You cling to him, and you don't know if it's because,  
><em>Noah's back<em> or because you've been holding this in for _three months_.

all you know is, you _can't_ Pretend anymore.

"Rach, _why_ are you in a closet in the first place?" Noah questions you, as he holds you against him. the tears running freely onto his shirt, and your hands form fists cluching his shirt.

"No one" you whisper, "no one likes me, no one _loves_ me" you shut your eyes tight and press yourself against him more.  
>"I'm such a loser, an ugly geek who doesn't sing goo-"<p>

"Rachel, what the hell are you talking about?" Noah lifts your head up and you're force to meet his worried hazel gaze.  
>"What happened?"<p>

"_everything_" you whisper, "slushies, harsh nicknames cruel drawings- coffee-"

"_coffee_?" he narrowed his eyes at her, "someone threw _coffee_At you?"

you nod slowly, before leaning it against his chest again.  
>"They started a rumor- about how <em>I<em> made _you_ move away"  
>you shut your eyes again, and you feel him tighten his grip on you.<p>

"Who?" he nearly growls out.

"the gleeks..."

He jerks your head up, shock written all over his face. He grabs your hand and forces you to walk towards the choir room.  
>The tears build up again, and you have to walk faster to keep up.<br>"dont make me go in there Noah"

He stops, and turns to you "Rachel, what's going on?"

"Don't make me go in there" you whisper again and shut your eyes, "please Noah"

He pulls you to his chest, "I got you Rach" he whispers and pulls away

"I wont let them hurt you, I promise"

You believe him, you _have_ to believe him- he's the only person who talks to you, (_and the only one who probably likes you_). You cling to his side, holding his hand and hiding your face walking in step with him. You have your eyes tightly shut, avoiding eye contact with everyone.

"_Puckerman_!" it sounds like a mix of Finn and Santana, "why is that _thing_holding onto you?" You know that's Santana speaking now.

"_thing_? you think Rachel's a _thing_? the _thing_ is _you_, you're a cold heartless bitch" Noah snaps at her, "You're the one named _Satan_, not Rachel. If you didn't notice, she's wearing _my_hoodie."

"why is manhands wearing your hoodie?" Quinn speaks, "and where have you been?" she sounds bored.

You feel Noah tighten his grip on you, and you only open your eyes to look at him. Anger written all over his face, he meets your gaze- and softly smiles at you.  
>"Nevada, I was in Nevada taking care of my Aunt."<p>

you shut your eyes again, and hide it in his side. Not looking at them, you cant-_ you_ _just cant._

"_slushies_, _coffee_, _harsh nicknames_ and _cruel drawings_. Does any of that ring a ball? You think it's fun to _break_ someone? What the hell did Rachel do to you? Mr. Shue, your a fucking _teacher_, and you let them break her? I'm gone for three months, and you use that time to ruin her life? Fuck you"  
>You're tearing up, this is the first time ever when you don't <em>pretend<em>

(_The showface, it cracked, it started the fall- and now it's laying on the ground, finished_)

"Come on Rach" he whispers, and removes the hood. That's when he notices the bags under your eyes- and he notices the pale coloring to your skin, "Rach, have you've been eating?"

You open your mouth, but close it- then shake your head. you drop your arms from his waist, and stare down at your shoes.

He grabs your face, and forces you to look up at him.  
>"Rach-"<p>

"you were _gone_, my dads _left_ me- and everyone here, _hates_ me. i had to _pretend_ it didn't hurt, that it didn't crush me that it didnt _kill_ me"

"what do you mean, your dads left?" Noah asks, with a confused look.  
>You stare down at your hands and feet, before looking up at Noah again.<p>

"they left- paid off the house, made a bank account to send money for me and moved away. I don't even know where they moved." you whisper, "you were gone, and I had doubts that you didn't even like me. And they" you look at the now shocked glee club, "They hate me, they were slowly _killing_ me"

Noah forms fists, and pulls you close. Before turning towards the club, "Now tell me, what the fuck did Rachel do to deserve all of this?"

None of them answered him, and they just sat there. Noah started walking, and you fall into step with him. He leads you to his truck, when he finally speaks.  
>"You're moving in" he tells you, you open your mouth before he stops you.<br>"You're moving in, Rachel. When ma finds out, and you say no- she'll move you in the middle of the night. Rachel, you're _sixteen_." he grabs your hands and you look into his eyes, "You're moving in, Not because I pity you- because I dont. I care Rach, you're one of few people I care about and I hate the idea of you staying by yourself" he sighs  
>"I hate myself for leaving without telling you, but I'm not going to stand around and watch you fade away. Rach, I miss you- and I need the old Rachel Berry back. I'm going to find her, and bring her back. I need you to be yourself again, this ghost Rachel isn't the same." he drops your hands, and brings his up to your face. "Rachel, you know how I feel about you. Did it slip out of your mind?" you move closer to him, and close your eyes.<p>

"Rachel, I do feel that way. I'm here, and I won't let them hurt you- they can't hurt Noah Puckerman's _girl_."

You meet his gaze again, and for the first time in months- you're _smiling_. He smiles softly, and leans down kissing you softly.

You dont pretend, and you _won't_ pretend anymore.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So that's something i just randomly popped up in my mind, is it sad that i know how to write something like this?

sometimes in my mind, Mercedes fakes her friendship with Rachel because of Kurt. So in this she's a bitch, its easier to write Santana & Quinn as bitches... and Lauren, well i dont know much about her character so i dont know how to write her. Artie.. well I love Kevin McHale, but Artie is a character that still needs to grow on me. Sam, well he's- i dont know. Finn, is a idiot- no doubt about that. Brittany, ditzy so easy to write her. Mike is another hard character to write about, they need to introduce him!

Rachel & Puck are the only two i can honestly understand... so its easy to write them. & in my mind, they're like perfect for each other (unlike Rachel & Finn = WRONG) and the friendship between Rachel & Kurt is amazing, so that's easy to write.

Also, sorry if some words are misspelled or if anything seems... off.

the review button is waiting to be hit on ;)


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